I started classes again this week- I'm finishing my last year of school ever. I can't even remember a time in my life when I wasn't in school, and now I'm down to my last year of college. I don't know where the time went.
This time a year ago, my world looked very different. I was very different. I lived in an apartment with my abuser, and life felt very hopeless and dark. I had 3,000 people on Instagram, not 15,000, and this blog wasn't a reality yet. I hadn't even considered the idea of a series like 'Let's Get Coffee'. I had so many dark secrets, and feelings that I was ashamed of. Diagnoses that I never thought I'd be able to talk about openly, and certainly not publicly, online. I don't know when I stopped being afraid. I spent two years being too afraid to confront my abuser. It took me years to openly talk about my eating disorder. Throughout high school, I felt ashamed of my depression- I hid the fact that I was on medication, and seeing a therapist. I don't know when I stopped being afraid. Around this time, one year ago, something in me snapped. I decided to turn my bad experiences into stories, and I went from being afraid, to unapologetically honest.
I'm proud of myself. If someone saw me in this coffee shop a year ago, or today, I would look exactly the same to them: a twenty-something girl sitting on her laptop, writing and drinking coffee. But I'm very different.
I have a sense of self-worth that I didn't used to have. I feel much more aware of the world around me. I don't feel like I'm constantly running around with a dark cloud over my head anymore. I still have my demons, but I have a sense of peace that I never used to know I was missing.
All in a year's work.