I decided to leave the 'bloggersphere' for a couple weeks, as I was visiting family in Ann Arbor and Oklahoma City, and I really wanted to spend quality time with my phone off.
I've been known to take a couple days off here and there, but since I started blogging, I have never taken a whole two weeks, which felt incredibly long (but necessary) for me.
I love blogging: I love the writing, the creative aspect of it, the idea of developing an image in your head and making it come to life on camera. Not everyone appreciates or understands the amount of work, time, and diligence that goes into maintaining a blog, but the one aspect of it that tires me most, is feeling like your whole life is online.
And I know I cultivate that more than anyone: blog series like 'Let's Get Coffee' and 'Diary of a Twenty-Something' are incredibly raw and personal, and I make the conscious choice to write them, and publish them for the world to see. And I love it- it helps me talk about the things that I'm afraid of, it brings me new insight and clarity, and I always hope that I can help someone else through my candidness. But in living my life online, I sometimes worry that I'm not taking the time to live my life in real-time.
Through my blog and Insta-stories, I've worked really hard to maintain my authenticity and be honest about my world, as I want to break the illusion of perfection that social media tends to portray, despite the fact that I still play into it.
But despite this, I still feel like my online life, and my real life, do not always match up. I want to wear an outfit, and carry a camera, and enjoy a nice dinner, without feeling the pressure to Instagram everything. And that pressure comes solely from me, but I have to constantly work against my 'perfectionist' nature to remove myself from social media, and enjoy the situation in real-time. And while my candidness does help to bring 'Liz' and 'blackdenimchic' together, they are still not the same person, so the Internet can get exhausting. This is coming from me, a small blogger with 15,000 followers, and I cannot imagine how exhausting social media might get for someone with 150,000 followers, or 1.5 million followers.
I've created so much pressure in my head, which is why I'm realizing how important it is to take breaks, and turn off social media occasionally. I'd like to be more selfish. I think that the Internet can be exhausting, and no matter how hard you strive for authenticity, there is always going to be some trace of a 'cultivated Internet persona', and I don't think that's a bad thing, but simply a tiring one.
I have no intention of turning off 'blackdenimchic'. I love the community that I am part of, and the incredible amount of love and support that comes from other bloggers online. But this break has taught me that I am allowed to take them, and it is okay to turn off my phone from time to time. The sky isn't going to fall down if I leave the Internet occasionally.
I don't know if this post was necessary or not, or if anyone even noticed my absence (and it doesn't matter if you did or not). I'm happy that I took the time to focus on myself and my family, and I feel really good to be back.
Thank you for all of your endless support. If I occasionally fall off the face of the Earth, it's likely because I'm binge-watching an Anime and recharging my batteries. I think we all need to take more breaks.
Much love, always.