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Let's Get Coffee: Your Value Doesn't Come from Your Sexuality

November 29, 2017


How many times have you heard people say something along the lines of, "oh my god, what is she wearing?" or "doesn't she have any self-respect?" or "no one is going to respect you if you sleep around that much"?


I have often wondered, how we as a society decided that a woman's value could be determined by how she dresses and who she sleeps with. And why, have we as women, been conditioned to believe that our self-worth deteriorates with every sexual partner we gain? Why does that "number" matter so much? 


Why is it, that when a woman has a lot of sex, she is labeled as "easy", as if her sexuality is the only quality making up her personality? As if entering her body is equivalent to dominating her, to owning her, to knowing her. 


Saying that a woman's value comes from her sexuality, is saying that there is no greater substance to that woman. It is saying that a woman's worth can be determined solely by her sexual history, rather than her accomplishments, or her aspirations, or her ideas. And more significantly, when a woman chooses to express her sexuality, and someone chooses to question the woman's self-respect, that person is also making a ridiculous assumption that this woman bases her own self worth on her sexuality. And if she doesn't, that she should.


Why is this a problem? Because this mentality is taught to young girls. We teach girls that they should not "give it all away", as if a woman who gives away her body is a woman giving away everything she has to offer. We teach girls to value their virginity, as if giving it to the wrong person would taint them. We teach girls that boys will not love them if they have sex with too many people, as if their sex count directly correlates to their worthiness of being loved. 


This is a mentality that needs to be untaught. We have been conditioned to think that a woman giving away her body is a woman giving away herself. Young boys and girls need to understand that a woman's body is not all that she is, and a woman cannot be defined by her sexual history. Nothing about a woman changes when she gains a sexual partner: not her values, not her morals, not her worth. This is so important.

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