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Let's Get Coffee: You're bi? Prove it.

October 12, 2017


A couple years ago, I went to my first LGBT pride festival, dressed in bright makeup and a pair of UNIF overalls with a rainbow on it. A booth was handing out stickers along the line of "gay pride" and "bi pride", and I reluctantly took a sticker, and wore it. It said bi-pride. 


Now, let me get something clear. I have never been particularly confused about my sexuality. Maybe that's because my interests also include men, but I've always just loved people. Men, women, I find them both beautiful. My reluctance to taking a sticker had nothing to do with me being confused about my sexuality. My reluctance came from a place of uncertainty: this feeling that neither side will believe me. 


When someone mentions that they are straight, no one questions it. When someone comes out that they are gay, it will get a reaction from some people, but they will typically accept it, (unless you're young and everyone says it's only a "phase"). But when someone comes out as bi, both sides can think they are cheating. 


"Oh, you're bi? Have you ever had a girlfriend before?"


"I didn't know you were bi, you have a boyfriend."


I spent the last two years with a man, and I think that played into my reluctance of ever coming out as bi. Why do I need to be dating a girl, for someone to believe me? Why do I have to prove my sexuality at all? Why is my sexuality anyone else's fucking business? Where the fuck do people come off, that they can question my sexual motives? That they can say, "no you don't feel that way." 


Why is coming out as bi not taken as seriously as coming out as gay? Why do people respond with comments like, "aren't we all a little gay?" Why is bisexuality so diminished in the LGBT community? Is it because we aren't targeted enough? Are we cheating, because one side of our sexuality happens to enjoy the opposite sex? 


This isn't a coming out; for it to be a coming out, I would need to have a secret. I have never hidden my sexuality, but I rarely talk about it. I think part of that is because a lot of our society discredits and invalidates bisexuality. We're not "normal" enough for heterosexuality, not quite alienated enough to be recognized by the gay community.


(OBVIOUSLY- this isn't everyone. I've met plenty of LGBT people who have been fully accepting of bisexuals, and I've met plenty of straight people who couldn't care less either way. But I've also read enough about the discrediting of bisexuality to know that we are alienated, and no one quite knows what to do with us. Do we count? Are we "cheating?" What a shit show.)


Anyway, today is National Coming Out Day, so congratulations to all who had the courage to come out and accept themselves today. I'm rooting for you. 

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